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My sister died at 29. I’m 29 and this has been the toughest year of my life.

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This is a very personal post that I have been working on for a little while.  I think I started writing this post March of 2017. I’ve been going back and forth on if I would actually publish it or not.

It’s so personal – and I’m not sure if anyone would want to read. Then again, this is like therapy for me. So whether anyone reads it or not is ok with me.  I must say that year 29 has been THE most trying year of my life.  It’s crazy the things that I have gone through this year.  My birthday is in January so 29 started right at the top of the year for me.

I want to write a series of blog posts about my dad and my sister.  Two people who I love so much. They are both no longer here. They both died within a year of each other.

My hearts.

This is the first of that series.  This post is about my sister. Her name is Shannette.  We called her Shon. I’m not even sure how she spelled it. Probably Shawn.

I’m 29. My sister Shannette , died at 29. I know it sounds so morbid, but I’ve always wondered if I would make it to 29.  Her death completely blindsided us.

July 25th, 2005 – My sister gave birth to my beautiful niece Taylor Jordan (I named her.)

July 26th, 2005 – My sister died.

Her husbands birthday is 7/27. I’m sure his birthday’s haven’t been the same since. 🙁

Life is so short and unpredictable.

My sister died at 29.  I’m now 29 and I realize how YOUNG she really was when she died.

29 was old to me back then.  I think I was like 18 when she died.

It was the week before I went to college at Valdosta State. Looking back, I really wish I had not gone. I didn’t give myself any time to mourn.  Keep in mind my dad had just died about 6 months before that.

Hindsight is 20/20 they say.

Truly – this period of time allowed me to know who my real friends were. I really appreciate people like my friend Tanisha for being there for me. My friend Jessica and her mom, Ms. Debra for taking me to school because my mom couldn’t. She was helping my Brother-in-law care for my niece Taylor. That was such a tough time for me.  It’s crazy to think that this year has been harder for me(specifically emotionally) with all that I dealt with at that time.  I almost feel like i’m having a delayed reaction to those deaths – I never really mourned. I wonder is that possible…

My sister wasn’t old – she was really really young.  I’m 29 now – and I look at my life and I feel like I haven’t even begun to accomplish even a 1/4 of the goals that I want to accomplish in my life.  I know that we all have to go one day – but man – 29 is so young.

I think she seemed “old” to me – because she was always on my ass. Never let me be wild and just have fun. She was always trying to throw salt in my game when it came to the parentals.



How dare she put them “in the know”.

It’s so funny though – because now I understand!

My niece visited me about a week or so ago. She’s 17.  Yall – I had to be on my best behavior lol.  I guess as an “adult” you want to be a good example to the younger generation.

My sister died at 29.  I know I keep repeating that – but it’s really significant.   I always thought that she was old. Of course not old as in , elderly, but like – old as in – She was a REAL live adult.  She (to me) had probably accomplished all of her goals and lived life.

 

I bet my niece thinks i’m out here adulting successfully.

Nah. I’m not. lol.

I still have so many goals that I want to accomplish, so many things that I want to do.

 29 is NOT OLD.

My sister died at 29.  29 is so young.  My sister and I are 11 years apart.  I don’t think I realized just how young, until I turned 29.  I’m still confused, still trying to figure out life.

Still struggling to adult.

It makes me feel like I never really knew her.  Not really.  I feel as though her friends knew her better than I did.

I feel this way – because I see how I behave around my nieces / nephews.  Of course I don’t show them my ratchet side.

Me around my nieces and nephews lol.

The real me.

I wish I could have known my sisters ratchet side. I’m sure she had one. Even if it was just a little bit.

I wish I had taken more pictures with her.   I don’t think that I have any when we were older.  That makes me sad.

Really. It does. But you have to laugh to keep from crying. 🙂

29 is soooo young yall.

Missing her is so tough.

I have 29 questions that I wish I knew…I will save that for tomorrow’s blog post.

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3 thoughts on “My sister died at 29. I’m 29 and this has been the toughest year of my life.

  1. Absolutely touching… Honestly like reading a good book… Got me on the edge and I can’t wait to read more. So sorry for your lose!

    1. Thank you so much for your comment Connie!! You’re so supportive.

  2. […] I sometimes have bad anxiety about dying at 29.  If you want to know why check out my post My sister died at 29. I’m 29…. […]

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